Our stories tell who we are, what we believe, and what we know (or don’t know) about the world and our experiences in it. This new feature invites guest bloggers who are caregivers and moms just like you, to share their wisdom about themselves and their life journeys with others by talking candidly on “What I Know About…” Each month we will feature a new theme and new group of bloggers.
In honor of Mother’s Day this May, our topic is “What I Know About…being a Mom.”
Our first guest blogger is Ms. Suzy Ruggles, a mom, caregiver, and writer from Broomfield Colorado. You can read more of Suzy’s writing on her blog: A Beautiful Disaster: A Life Re-invented.
What I Know About…Being a Mom
I could make a list..and it would be endless. What I know about being a mother
is infinite, as I would imagine it is with most mothers. Yet, there are a few things that I learned through experience or trial and error or from someone older and wiser. There is mom stuff I learned from moms I admired. Of course, there are those mom things that I learned to do, or NOT do, by watching someone else also.
Having two amazing young men who I have raised to adulthood..well, one is almost(17 yrs) …and having come through the experience relatively unscathed
is a great source of pride. But the things I learned along the way, day by day, experience after experience, tear after tear, laugh after laugh, are what saw us all
So what I know…I know that support is paramount. I didn’t always agree with my sons’ decisions. In fact, there were times when I downright cringed. But if I had made sure that they had information and were not going to harm themselves, then why would I not support them? I had to put away many of my own fears and insecurities in order to let them fly. What I feared, they didn’t. What I cherished or thought was important, they didn’t. Its guidance, not coercion, that gave them wings.
I have sons. I realized early on that there is a movement to help our girls, as well there should be. But what I know is that our boys are hurting. They are afraid
of their feelings, of having them and showing them. Its 2012 and this is still the attitude. Our 3 year olds must be “little men”..and are told “big boys don’t cry.”
YES! They do..and they should. What a world this would be if males were taught early on that their feelings and emotions are okay. They see something painful and they feel it! So, what I know is that, as a mother, I had to let them feel and I
had to acknowledge their feelings.
What I know is that being a mother, at times , just flat out hurts. We see our children hurt and we cant take away their pain. We watch them, as they grow older, and they hurt us in their attempt to separate. And still we love them, with a love so fierce, it brings me to my knees. What mother hasn’t felt a physical pain, deep in the middle of her chest, when her child hurts, or her child leaves for the next step in his life? We would do anything for them and yet, we cant do it all for them. We have to watch them fall and rise and fall again.
What I know is that this Mother’s Day I will not be with my sons for the first time in 24 years. There is a sharp, stabbing pain in the middle of my core. I feel
it when I give myself time to reflect. But honestly, I feel it every day as I think of them. So, I know this Mother’s Day, as I do every day, this fact: the cord is never broken. No matter how far they go, how big they get, how smart they become, how successful they may be, and whoever else may enter and exit their lives, that physical , emotional and spiritual connection will always be there, as strong as ever. What I know is that the word “mother” is undefinable and indescribable. It’s a feeling, a relationship stronger than any other..quite simply, it is love.